Mom

I sometimes wonder to myself if I grew up with a mother if I would have called her Ma. I call my dad Pa. Most people think that I miss having a mom...to be honest with you, I don't even know what its like. A few months ago she was supposed to come down and visit and of course, nothing happened and I thought to myself "am I really that surprised...am I really that disappointed?" And I wasn't. I don't know the whole story. Sometimes I get bits and pieces and I try to put them together, but mainly this is the one time in my life where I believe that ignorance is bliss.
I don't miss having a mother. I didn't miss it growing up. I don't even know what it is like, but I am very aware of how it could be. And does that make me ache for one a little more? Sure, but I don't waste hours or blame my shitty attitude on her absence, I mainly blame that on myself. I do wish that things would have been different. I wish there would have been more phone calls, more visits, more long conversations about life...but there just wasn't and it does make me a little sad and sometimes a little mad, but I don't let it get me down or keep me awake at night. I have plenty of family and plenty of friends...and really that is all that matters.
I recently sent her an e-mail asking her to send me a family history...Im still waiting for that response. I will keep you updated.