Blessed

I guess in the fading dark of day, when the struggles have beat me down, left me a little dirty and a lot more exhausted, I have to stop and ask...am I truly blessed? Most days I feel like I wont make it. Most days, Im just angry at these cards and would love nothing more than to throw them down and pray, just pray that God will hand me new ones. I feel so defeated sometimes. I guess things dont really get me until I vocalize all my troubles and had I known how to play guitar, I would have written a country song by now. But Im not asking for sympathy, or empathy or help, Im really just wanting to write, so I can put down in words how I feel at the end of the day.

Ive been working way too long for way too little. It seems like there is never a moment to just be, and I swear, if I had it my way, I would spend all my time with Axle, smelling his sunshine, letting him make me new. I realize how sad I get without seeing him. So I feel these moments...when nothing goes right and a friend calls, to say a kind thing, to tell me a story, to tell me Im funny, to make sure Im going to be at an outing because they have missed me. And in these moments, I know that Im blessed. I may not have a dime and cant buy anyone pretty things, I may have to struggle a little harder to keep my head above water. I may not have anyone to share my heart with or to come home to. I may not have found someone who is ready to love all the good in me. But I have the best family a girl could ask for. The greatest friends in the whole world who really just love me for me...I figure I have a lot of things right, and eventually, the other stuff will fall in to place.